Father Against Son and Son Against Father
The Art of Navigating Family Division
Dear Reader;
Jesus said, "Perhaps people think that I have come to cast peace upon the world. They do not know that I have come to cast conflicts upon the earth: fire, sword, war. For there will be five in a house: there'll be three against two and two against three, father against son and son against father, and they will stand alone.” ~ Gospel of St. Thomas
Families are important. On holidays we may travel a great distance to be with those far from us for the rest of the year. We hunger for connection, rare hugs, a place of safety, a feeling of home. When this doesn’t happen, when instead of understanding we are met with judgment or conflict, a sadness is born that is reserved only for the exquisite loss of family. For it seems that if there is no safety found with our own blood, then truly we must be alone in the world.
Here in Canada, we have just celebrated Thanksgiving, a fantasy of a story, borrowing Wampanoag harvest festival themes. Yet even so, for many it remains a day of celebration, no disrespect intended but simply a time when for better or worse, it is important to gather with family and friends, in gratitude and love.
Ever since the great parting of ways that began with COVID lockdown days, even once-cohesive families have found themselves to be brittle.
One might think that with the old narrative clearly coming apart at the seams, loved ones could be returning to more common ground. Occasionally, this has been the case, but more often we are witnessing an extraordinary human characteristic: the stubbornness of clinging tightly to a nonsensical stance, simply because we have committed to it in the past. It is easier to stay stubborn than to reconsider a definition of self. More comfortable to dismiss the obvious than to watch one's worldview crumble. In fact, it feels more important than ever to defend the indefensible, so fearfully do we cling to that which we fear to lose.
How rare is the soul who dares to say, I see it differently, I have reconsidered. I understand now that I was wrong.
When it is our turn to tumble to slip and fall we try so hard to hold on to the edges of our world and yet we hang upon the event horizon a position of no return We are crucified in that moment as in desperation we do everything we can to grasp on to stay where we are to remain in the familiar the known the old.. ~ Singularity: The Days of One from DEAR HUMAN CHILD
Interestingly, oppressive, polarized, and punitive views are most attractive to those who hold the most unconscious fear. And thus the invitation to soften, to break free, is terrifying to those who have embedded their sense of self in quicksand. I am safe because you are the problem, is the way the song goes.
How many will encounter this kind of positioning as the holiday season begins? How many will feel even more alienated as the truth rises, and old allegiances are threatened? How many hearts will be broken, between brother and sister, parent and child, when forbidden topics come up at the holiday feast table, and it suddenly feels so important to be right, righteous, holy, to have the last word?
I have been hurt, and so I will hurt anyone who pokes my wound. I am afraid to be discovered, to be wrong, and so you must be silenced. If you disagree with me, you are not one of us, you are the outlier, the one to be feared.
These are not simply perpetrators. These are also victims, oppressed by their fears and unconscious coping strategies. It is such a sticky place to live, and quite a process to be set free.
One might think I am offering extreme examples, but this is not the case. Families are being broken. Conversations are being shut down. Loved ones are choosing to stay away, to go “no contact” rather than have their opinions questioned, or risk being misunderstood. What do we do? How can we respond, when logic has sailed away like the summer in September, like the innocence we lost in youth?
Jordan Peterson said, “Voluntary confrontation with the forces of darkness and chaos is the fundamental story of life.” And who better to bring us face to face with such confrontation than those whom we love the most?
And so picture this: The deepest wounds of every soul incarnate upon this Earth seek healing in their expression at the same time The voices of every creator form words of activation simultaneously making concrete that which must be seen to be released The conversations of each being seek to generate the matrix of their own beliefs because they must and so the world becomes many worlds many visions so many fears all intersecting all reaching for validation all seeing what they choose to see which is indeed how it must be for each one of us to begin to discover the power and the magic which lives within us splinters of the Divine Creator all... Acknowledge that when you converse you are initiating an exchange of energy represented by your letters and words a flow of liquid intent both conscious and unconscious and this is exactly how it is meant to be This is the ultimate purpose of our utterances and their reason for being Decide what form of energy you would like to embody and let your words originate from this essence Consider what form of blessing you would like to receive from the expressions of others Take what you need and leave the rest for what is a match for you will always be offered everywhere you turn Dare to allow yourself to shape the world by becoming one who listens when all are shouting and one who speaks what is rarely heard And above all trust this moment with all of its chaotic voices This cleansing was foretold in the beginning and must be lived till its end The inner children of our species must be adolescent for a time before they are ready to walk as adults to speak the language of a mature Love Pity no one for each soul has a role to play and every voice you hear was once yours too... ~ The Force of Words
And listen to the words of Putanny Yawanawa of the Yawanawa Tribe, Amazon Brazil.
Can we be strong enough to resist pushing back against those who fear us?
Can we be clear in what is true for us, and at the same time allow others to be as unclear as they need?
Can we release the temptation to react, and yet not relinquish a moment when it is important to respond?
Can we rise up to see the higher view, when everyone around us is stumbling through the mud of ideology?
Can we let go of needing to be right, and fearing that we might be wrong?
Can we meet our loved ones where they are, and choose not to take offence even when it is offered?
Can we love differently, without a need for common ground?
In the Kore work we have a saying: If they love you, they will bring you your pattern. This means it is the duty of those whom we love, and who love us, to assist our awakening by showing us our karmic imprints and habits. Every soul who says yes to this masterful process becomes a gift unseen to families and friends. Without acclaim or acknowledgment, we have the joy of discovering an unconditional, unattached love, a radiance of being that spreads beyond service, filling everyone nearby, even those who are still learning about love, from under the weight of their pain.
It is most important that we stand humbly but with no self-denial. Our surrender is meant to be delicious, not pride-full. Our joy can only be released when its ribbons are untethered. I am the only one who can set myself free.
Take heart, dear warriors of the fine art of discernment. Your love is your weapon. Your patience, your shield. Your knowing of timelessness will bring you to an end of suffering. It is as it was meant to be.
much love, Adi
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