Of Outsiders and Earth Angels

Why Were You Born?

My earliest memories are of feeling outside of my body, outside of my environment, and out of relationship with the world and the people around me. 

I grew up in the suburbs of Toronto, by the Scarborough Bluffs, in an era when children still walked and rode their bikes everywhere, even the full mile journey to my elementary school. There were a few girls my age whom I had come to know in my grade. The shy plain one who eventually moved away; the pretty dark-haired one who got pregnant in high school and married young; the sharp-eyed one who hoarded her coloured pencils and went on to become a school principal. 

There was the proper one with her hair tied up who made good grades and always had her fingernails done with white pencil under the tips. The grouchy one who was smart and acidic and borrowed my Barbie clothes but didn’t return them. The wild one who overwhelmed me with her loud voice and defiant presence, because she didn’t care what anyone else thought and told us so. The bossy one who was a year older and liked to hit me on the head to make sure I remembered that she was my elder. The kind quiet one who seemed to manage because she spent more time with horses than people. These girls all lived within the mile between my home and my school. 

Then there were the girls who lived on the other side of the school, where the houses were smaller and life seemed more rough around the edges. The skinny blonde one who lived with her grandmother and a young child with down’s syndrome. The toddler was an aunt, but everyone thought she was a sister. The tough twins who hated each other and got into fist fights in the school yard, punching and pulling hair. The twins’ best friend who was tougher than both of them and fought with each of them, when they weren’t fighting one another.

I made it my daily routine to avoid them all, as much as possible. Sometimes out of curiosity I would walk home with a group of them, and marvel at the conversation. For the most part they were consumed with who was out and who was in that week. If a girl was out, then the rest of us were supposed to take direction from the sharp-eyed one to not talk to her, and instead find fault with her amongst the other girls. If a girl was in, then we were all supposed to fawn over her in agreement with how wonderful she was. I found the idea of being in to be much more frightening than being out. It was much more comfortable to me to be rejected than to belong. 

This pattern repeated in high school. I attended three different schools, making some casual friends in each school, but ultimately feeling completely foreign to their ways. My last high school was in a secluded neighbourhood where all the kids had been together since kindergarten. They had it all figured out, who were the jocks, who were the brown-nosers, who were the popular ones and who were the rejects. 

Entering the cafeteria at lunch time was torture, as the various groups claimed their regular tables, but to sit alone was social suicide. I tried to eat my lunch hiding in the washroom until I was caught by a teacher and told it was unsanitary. Finally a couple of popular girls took pity on me and invited me to join their table where I listened to them talk about sex between bites of sandwiches, all lunch hour long. They had long term boyfriends, and at fifteen, I was the only virgin amongst them, so they enjoyed shocking me and asking me questions I couldn’t answer. I was a good year and a half younger than my classmates, and most of my sex education came from those conversations. At the end of the day, I went home to my dog, my journals and my books. 

Decades later, in mid-life, I was introduced to a healing modality known as Master Alignment. The MA work deeply informs the Kore Process, my own offering, which speaks to our karmic patterning as revealed in detailed past life stories. When I received my first reading from an MA practitioner, I was initiated into a profound world of cellular level cleansing and transformation. My watch stopped during my reading, as did my then-husband’s. We had gone together to receive our readings back to back. The energetic impact on me was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and indeed I mark my life as divided, before and after that day. I discovered I could not wear a watch again; they would always stop, and no repair shop could fix them.

The reading I received in 1998 informed me that my soul ancestry was connected to the angelic realm, and that I had lived few lifetimes on this planet. I was told that it was not appropriate for me to hear all the ways I had suffered, because the suffering was too great. I had committed to incarnations which would teach me the nature of compassion through immense pain. The pattern itself was named as Non-Belonging. In other words, I wasn’t from here, and I had come to work with the karmic patterning of being an outsider. I was one who above all knows loneliness and the inability to fit in, anywhere. 

Never had I heard more true words. I had spent a lifetime masking my inadequacies and differences, within a bubble of absolute internal isolation. On difficult days I would leave my body and sit in the tree outside my bedroom window. I had recurring nightmares my whole childhood of shrinking like Alice In Wonderland to become infinitesimally small, only to start growing so large that I would be crushed in a sea of bodies, and then begin shrinking again. This was the perfect, archetypal expression of infinitely cycling overwhelm and isolation. Sometimes the dream would go on all night long. 

I had been physically sick much of my childhood, and only my volumes of fairy tales and myths brought me peace. Stories rich with archetype and meaning. After my first Master Alignment reading, it all finally made sense. Now I understood why I found things that were simple for others to be so foreign and difficult. Now I knew the meaning of the challenges in my life, and to me, meaning was everything. 

Suffering was not random, not mine, not anyone’s. All experience held reason. It was as if I watched the puzzle pieces find their place until I could see the whole picture. I knew I was not the only earth angel, not the only Starborn or Starseed. My purpose, and my people, were found. 

In the work I have studied, practised and taught for a quarter of a century, we are given these powerful stories, these initiations, as a profound assist to our karmic journey. We are offered insight into the patterning of many lifetimes, through the lens of our present moment challenges. It is via the meaning found in the purposeful nature of human existence that our suffering eases, and we discover how to move forward by releasing habitual protections and fears. 

We are not random. We are not lost. And we are never, ever, alone. 

These patterns exist not only at the personal level, but within the collective. There is gender karma, cultural karma, national karma, ancestral karma.  And please understand, the idea that karma has anything to do with reward and punishment is in error, an old lie taught by ruling classes to keep the poor obedient and afraid. Our karma is simply our soul’s education, massaged into awareness through the polarities of this dualistic realm. All with purpose. All with meaning. All rooted in Love. 

To know your Kore story is to know why you were born. Why you chose your birthplace, your parents, friends and lovers. Why you face certain limitations, why you feel caught in circular frustrations. Why you are sensitive to certain experiences, and why your gifts may struggle to be brought to fruition. These are the expressions of a purposeful polarity, nudging you toward your rebirth into wholeness. Without judgement, and with nothing to fear.

If you come to me for a Kore Reading, I will not promise to fix you. I will not help you make more money, although it’s always possible. I will not allow you to judge, or deny, or blame. I will invite you to come home, to yourself, to your true nature, and to the profound empowerment we discover when we stop running from the confusions of our fear. 

I welcome you to take this opportunity to become a part of this beautiful process, and make the discovery of your own story, your own template of the path to soul freedom. If you feel this journey is for you, please reach out for a consultation. I am happy to answer questions and chat about how this outsider found her soul purpose on a strange planet, in the midst of a revolutionary time. I promise, there is a reason you were born, and it waits for you.