Oh How We Love to Suffer

On the Habit of Righteousness...

DROWNING by Mark Mawson

Dear Reader;

If there is one discovery I have made after decades of supporting folks in the transformation of their deepest powerlessness and fear, it is that we are all attached to our suffering.

This is not a judgment, it's just a truth, an aspect of our humanity and how our karmic processes work.

This is not yet a popular idea, but simply put, if we were not attached to our suffering and powerlessness we would change it.

Hearing this statement, the rational mind may say, but not everything can be changed. I have illness in my body. I have grief over lost love. I have financial troubles looming. I have tried everything yet the world seems against me, and now you tell me I am the one resisting change?

To this understandable, oh-so-human response I offer four points of guidance.

1. View your situation from beyond the habitual lens of the victim. The victim places an inherent value on having been hurt. The one liberated from victim identity places value on self-actualization and the reclamation of choice. When we allow ourselves to truly digest this possibility, we feel light and joyful as never before. When we refuse to be victimized, we understand that no one can ever hurt us again.

2. Be willing to eradicate blame from our vocabulary. We do not blame others and we do not blame ourselves. It is said that “all judgement is judgement of the self”, for the inclination to blame arises out of unconscious powerlessness and fear, and the projection of our own cellular memories of being the one at fault. Important note: * The elimination of blame does not mean sacrificing discernment, or accepting abusive treatment. We can learn to be awake to our own rights, power, and freedom, and make decisions accordingly, without wasting precious energy on vilifying others.

3. Take it to the realm of frequency. Whatever the nature of our circumstances, miraculous transformation remains a possibility, although not a necessity. When we come to understand that pain is our greatest teacher, and we only grow when we are challenged and face opposition, we come to understand the idea that “when the lesson is learned, the teacher can go home.” When we stop being reactive to a difficult co-worker, we find they no longer target us. When we stop feeling ashamed of a messy house, we find it easier to create beauty in our home. When we stop acting out of guilt, we find we are able to say no gracefully. Our own frequency has shifted from victim to ownership, and the experiences of life respond in kind.

4. Our pain doesn’t hurt; our fear does. We are asked to accept that we will never eliminate pain. Human life involves suffering. This is the nature of our realm, and thus our pain is never without purpose. To spend a life running from the possibility of pain is an opportunity wasted. But when we release attachment to our pain, we transform our relationship to painful experiences. When we encounter physical, emotional or spiritual pain, we discover a choice between listening to the message of what is hurting us or resisting the pain in fear. This decision will determine our level of suffering, and the necessity for the teacher and the lesson to recur. When we eliminate fear from the experience, the nature of our pain is free to utterly transform. We may not be able to choose a life without pain, but we can choose the degree of our suffering. This has been demonstrated by scientists studying the placebo/nocebo effect, women in labour, soldiers on the battlefield, and those facing immense tragedy and loss. It is the central teaching found in the profound classic, Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Frankl discovered that even in the depths of the horrors of Auschwitz, he had the power to determine a response to his circumstances. If Frankl can make such a choice, so can the rest of us in our daily lives.

Ultimately, we are creators, fractals of our Creator, and we incarnate in human form to awaken this power within us, by being confronted by what seems to make us powerless. This is not a mistake. It is how it works.

The question is, what do we do with the urge to express our suffering through blame, accusation, and rage? When we want to hurt those whom we perceive as having hurt us?

We all deserve the free expression of our emotional responses, but we do not necessarily benefit from directing these expressions at someone else. Of course, we are only human, but a recognition that triggers are simply opportunities for shifting awareness is the fundamental principle of shadow work. It doesn't mean we are meant to be silenced; quite the opposite, as our voices and passions are rich sources of life force energy. But we deplete our powers of alchemical expansion by externalizing our pain and giving someone else the job of taking our suffering away.

Every soul has known karmic suffering throughout lifetimes, and we carry forward these wounds as we incarnate again and again. So never look at the soul next to you and wonder why they struggle when you cannot see their wound. I promise they have one, no matter how pretty their external world may seem.

If we want to end the cycle of hurt as a response to hurt, we must dare to acknowledge the meaning within our pain, and that we create conflict together in the unfolding of a soul’s journey. We have to step away from victimization as a sacred status, as if our suffering gives us the right to make others feel the same way. Ultimately this will mean a complete revision of our legal, justice and penal systems, if we dare to eliminate vengeance as a solution to harm. This is a larger topic for another day, but we would do well to look to Indigenous models of justice rooted in community listening, healing and making amends.

As the human species teeters on the brink of the collapse of old thought systems, we are being asked to awaken to a world without blame, a world where we recognize the perfect mirroring offered to us by those who seem to offend. The vilification of a character such as Donald Trump could be a place to start.

It is no accident that someone who is so effective at triggering righteous judgement has shown up in the spotlight of our times. In his child-like, unconscious behaviours he is so easy to accuse, to the point of distraction from a deeper, more widespread political darkness that may be much more uncomfortable for righteous individuals to own and digest. For those attached to seeing the self as “better than”, there arises almost a compulsion to demonize the one who dares to say the unacceptable. This is the nature of denial, as we witness The Donald so effectively playing his role. Like a rodeo clown, he draws the attention of an enraged bull away from the real source of its danger and pain.

We are alive in an age when oppositional thought is silenced through censorship. A time when to question nonsensical, victim-driven agendas is considered blasphemy, a time when in once-free Western countries, people are losing relationships, livelihoods, and sometimes even their lives, because of their ideas.

We haven't yet noticed that this is another round of fear/ego identification. We want to think that we are on the “right” side, that we are the “good” people for holding certain views. Again, acknowledging this impulse does not mean we cannot be clear about those who hurt and harm others. In fact, once we free ourselves from our own shadow, we are in a much more powerful position to take effective action against the true expressions of darkness in our world.

When blinded by the idea of our own righteousness, we lose sight of the source of the very healing we seek. Isn't it interesting to consider that the peace, health, wealth, freedom, and love we all desire may be waiting for us on the other side of our fear?

As the great Rumi once said (in the Coleman Banks English translation), out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

Below I offer a wee transmission that succinctly summarizes the power of owning our karmic choices in this life. Try reading it aloud to feel the frequency of the received words. When we are ready, such an awareness is a gift indeed.

GIFTS
 
Here
is the key
 
Once we are able
to look closely
at the people
the experiences
and the emotions 
that are the most 
uncomfortable
and difficult
for us to feel
 
Once we can look
at these 
as gifts
and see 
that within them
lie seeds
of potent truth
about ourselves
only
 
Once we can achieve
this perspective
and work with it
risk it
live it
even when the ego cries
to be heard
then two things
are free 
to happen
 
We may unveil
essential pieces
that have gone missing
in our search
for wholeness
And we may become 
empowered
with the miraculous:
the ability
to alter
the very experiences
that once
brought us such discomfort

The demon melts
before our eyes
the hurtful lover
becomes sweet
and the enemy
fades away
to reveal a sister/brother
a soul
like any other
human
and in pain
 
We become
the victim
no longer
we are freed from
the fear
of Fear
and we are granted
an utterly new
kind of trust
in our experiences
of life
on this Earth
 
Suddenly
the world makes sense
our suffering
is meaningless
no longer
and Peace
which we once thought
was a mere word,
a fantasy,
becomes tangible 
in our most truthful
heart
 
We can stop making excuses
and allow ourselves
a shadow 
but one
that has a way out
a place to grow
to integrate
and to become forgiven
in the understanding
that there never was
anything
to forgive
 
We hide
only from ourselves
The demons
we fear
are only
of our own making
and when it seems difficult
to love
it is always
our own permission
for joy
that we deny
 
Simple, really
Never give in
if your fear
begs you
to run
Love others
as if
they were you
And love yourself
as you would love them
in your dreams
 
Turn it all
around
The truth
will speak
and you
will hear

~ "Gifts" from DEAR HUMAN CHILD

much love, Adi