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Empty the Room

Empty the Room

Healing the Primary Sexual Wound: Part One Exercise

Dear Reader;

Most of us spend our days moving from one unconscious response to another. At the root of this programming we may find layers of denial, by self and others, and on top lie layers of protection, coping techniques which may have been useful at one time but now serve to keep us stuck, limited and unhappy or numb. These protections may be aggressive or defensive in their nature, and they leave a trail of clutter in our lives. Instead of free, creative flow, we live a series of habits, should’s and if only’s. Just as hoarders collect material possessions which are unnecessary and do not serve them, we hoard our protections and it may seem impossible to give them up. Each time we dare to turn our attention to the emotional clutter of our lives, we end up more overwhelmed and return to our old ways. We prefer the familiarity of the weight of our shadow beliefs than the risk of letting go. 

A technique that can work very well for attachment to material clutter can also be applied to our psychic clutter.  I call it, Empty the Room. 

When we start to Spring clean, most of us will have ambitions and manage to sort out a cupboard here or a drawer there, but most of our space remains the way it was all winter, each lamp and chotchke in its familiar place gathering dust. A move to a new home can offer a breakthrough if we can be conscious about what we bring with us. One way of doing this is to start with an empty room. Instead of sitting with all our possessions and deciding what we need to let go, we start with nothing. We clear the room. 

We start with absolute zero, and then, one item at a time, bring our treasure into the space. Each time we do so, we stop and observe how we feel with this item in place. Does the room feel better now? Do we prefer the feel of this object instead of the clear space that once was there? In this way we learn to value the room without habitual clutter, which gives us a whole new perspective on what is truly beautiful and meaningful.  We give ourselves permission to stop, to say enough, at any time. 

Our lives are like a cluttered room. They are overflowing with unconscious habits and relationships as well as things. But in a space of an empty mind, we can apply this principle to all the areas of our lives. To visualize letting go of everything and everyone. To imagine beginning completely anew, and from this emptiness, an amnesia almost, to choose again what is truly valuable. This can remind us that we actually have choice, and that it is up to us how we spend our days, what we consume, with whom we spend our time and to what we give our attention. It’s up to us if we fill our lives with obligations, or if we allow enough emptiness to invite in surrender, delight and sensual pleasures.  We have no one else to blame. 

Please set aside a minimum of thirty minutes for this exercise. Turn everything off, light a candle, smudge if you choose, and pick up your pen and journal. Get comfortable and bring yourself into a meditative space. Now begin to consider what it would feel like to empty out every area of your life. 

You do not need to share any details of this process with anyone else, unless you choose to. So let yourself go all the way.  Imagine that everything, every habitual way you define yourself, has been removed. The room of your life is empty. You are ready to start from scratch. 

You can make your own list of sub-headings, but here are some ideas:

Material possessions









As you focus on each area, see yourself in a completely empty space in regard to the topic. For material things, imagine a flood has come and washed away everything you own.  For relationships, imagine you are on an island and every lover or family member has gone.  For work, your job has ended forever and you have nothing to do each day.  For your body, all your self-care (or lack of self-care) habits are taken away. No gym, no yoga mat, no supplements, no diets, no marathons. For hobbies and play, any of the groups, clubs, teams in which you participate, all these have ended. No more knitting needles, Netflix, golf or video games. All the ways in which you usually distract and entertain yourself are gone. You don’t even own a device or a phone. You now have all the time in the world. 

Regarding sensuality and sexuality, you are now a virgin again. There is no lover in your life, no porn, no vibrators, fantasies or dreams. You don’t owe anyone a massage, you have no responsibility to bring someone to orgasm, or to have one yourself. You don’t have to wear high heels or cologne. You don’t even have to have a sexual preference or identity. You are just you. Pure, clear, new and empty. Your slate is completely clean and you are poised to explore, become, or taste anything you wish. You are also free to rest. To be in the space of nothingness and come to know what it is like to have no demands and make no requests. Who is the awake, sensual being who lives there? 

In each of these arenas, or any others you choose, notice how you feel in the emptiness, and pay special attention to the fear that rises at the idea of letting go. You may unearth a full fledged panic, a sense of abandonment or terror. If so, move toward this feeling and ask it to speak to you. Have a conversation with your fear, and take your time before moving to the next step of the exercise. 

Once you find you have achieved a relatively stable sense of spaciousness and emptiness, look around your empty room and notice one of the items, people, experiences you recognize and make a decision about whether you want to bring them back into the room to join you.  Choose only one at a time. If the feeling is yes, I want them with me, then bring them into your psychic space and let them be for a moment before you add anything else. 

Is this enough? How much space does this being or thing take up for you? How much do you want to give them? How has the frequency of your space changed by bringing this habit or item into your field?  Take as much time as you need with each person or activity. Witness it patiently and without guilt or a sense of responsibility. This is your world, your life. This is your moment to explore what it means to be completely intentional. To have permission to choose yes, or to say no. 

For the purposes of this exercise, keep things simple. The key is to pay attention to your own heart, and how it feels to give a piece of your life to one person, place or thing at a time. Let yourself play with the idea that the overwhelm, demands and insecurities of your protections are actually chosen by you, and that you in fact have the permission to say no at any time. To walk away. To change your mind. To take a break. To set yourself free. 

Notice the voices which may arise, chastising, denouncing your desire to choose consciously and intentionally. They may condemn you in any manner of ways. If such voices arise for you, listen very closely and see if they may remind you of a voice, a parent, teacher, priest or friend. Ask the voices outright who they are. Ask them why they want to control you. Tell them you love them, but you have made a decision today to listen to your own heart first. Tell them they will be okay without you, and open the door to allow them to leave. 

Notice also the quality of real joy and delight that you feel when intentionally choosing a special relationship, an object or way of living in your home, a means of work or play. See that when you begin from a place of virginal innocence, you may discover a pure sensual desire that has gone missing for a long time. Notice how being present in simple consciousness brings to life what is truly meaningful to you, and allows it to finally take up the space it deserves in your world. 

There are no rights or wrongs for this exercise. You can keep it very simple and quick, or take your time and explore one life arena at a time and go more deeply. When you are given insights about what you now know you want to keep in your life, write them down.  If you are given awareness of what you now know you wish to let go of in your life, write them down.  If your emotions are high and you need to write about your fear of loss, your grief, your sense of undeserving, this is excellent, but choose a different page. Keep your list of life choice simple and concise. Go back to this list every day for a week and notice if your list matches your daily life.  If not, sit gently in another meditation and ask yourself why. 

Earthly life is not easy. While there is great beauty on this plane, there is also great suffering, and to this no one is immune. But there is purpose to these challenges, and one part of this purpose is to learn that we are creators, and “for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he reap.” Remove the judgement from this bible verse, and you will find a great truth remains. 

We live at a time of dimensional awakening, a new recognition that we are designers of our world, just the way we might choose what furnishings to put in a room. Our journey toward this awareness rests firmly upon our ability to release our old compulsions of denial and shame, to see truly what is pure and joyful to our hearts. This in turn will awaken our life force energy, inviting it to come flowing back into the room of our personal power, as we peel away layers of assumption and control. And as we are reborn in our own life force, so are we truly lit up from within, in readiness to serve without compulsion or attachment. To bring joy, through awakening joy, through remembering the joy of our birthright, as a child of Source, Spirit, God, Goddess and Creator. 

This is the great remembering of our lives. 

I would love to hear how you experience this exercise. Please share in the comments.

Much love,


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